Today’s post is going to be something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while because you guessed it! I’m a short ass. I’m only 4ft 11 which means that I’ve heard all of the sayings in the book.
Us short people often make fun of our own height. I generally don’t mind people having a laugh either unless I’m called “midget’ because if you call me that, I will not be responsible for my own actions. I have compiled a list of the sayings I hear all the time, almost every day, for you to read and laugh at.
1 – “Oh my God! finally someone shorter than me”
This is one I have heard a countless amount of times and it’s funny when it comes from people who are actually short but when they’re 5ft 5, I just want to slap them. Unless you’re under 5ft, It is very easy to find people shorter than you.
2 – “Are you the legal height of a dwarf?”
Nope. I do not care if google told you it’s people 4ft 10 and under because it is not only height that comes into diagnosing dwarfism. In fact, it’s quite disrespectful to say that to me and laugh when there are people out there who do genuinely have it. Dwarfism is nothing to be ashamed of and it certainly isn’t a punchline for a joke.
3 – “How’s the weather down there?”
Darling, it is grand! I’m surrounded by tall people and if I strategically place myself behind them (or in front, depending on the direction) I can be protected from the wind and the rain. Enjoy being cold and wet.
4. ” You’re the perfect blowjob height”
No, this one is not made up and I’ve heard it on multiple occasions. If the dick is located on their chest or neck then sure, I’m the perfect height. I generally find that anyone who says’s this has theirs located on their head. I’m 4ft 11, not the height of your favourite blow-up doll
5. “All good things come in small packages”
Funny, I don’t recall you saying that while making fun of your ex for having a small … package. This one is probably the most annoying one because it’s always said in the most patronising tone possible and I don’t even think they realise they’re doing it.
6. “Do you shop in the child section?”
Yes. Yes, I do. Only for jeans but I’d much rather pay £11 for a comfortable pair that are elasticated on the waist than pay £20+ for a pair I have to do a dance to get in because they’re so stiff.
7. “Can you get on all the rides?”
Honey please, those lines are for children who are the height of an 11-year-old or under. I’m at-least the height of a small 12-year-old.
8. “Child Ticket?”
I am 20 years old! I haven’t needed a child ticket for the last 4 years. But I mean … I will take the cheaper one if you are offering, I am a student after all. We need the money.
9. “Aww you’re so cute”
Cute! what am I… a pet?. No! I am not cute. Do not condescend me, bitch.
10. “You can be my armrest”
*giggles* Oh my god you’re so funny!. Now get your arm off my head before I break it.
I hope you guys enjoyed this post! It is just a light-hearted bit of fun for us short people. Please leave me a comment letting me know which ones you’ve received the most or if I’ve missed any out … maybe I’ll do a part 2?.